


Like a Good Neighbor, State Farm is There!

by dearcst



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Crack, Humor, Inspired By Tumblr, M/M, Oh Fluff too, State Farm, pretty much
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-18
Updated: 2014-06-18
Packaged: 2018-02-05 03:55:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,902
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1804345
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dearcst/pseuds/dearcst
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"USUK AU where Arthur is Alfred's State Farm agent, and Alfred keeps singing "like a good neighbor, State Farm is there" so that Arthur pops in at pervocative moments, like when Alfred is in the shower, or laying on his bed naked, surrounded by rose pedals. And every time Arthur is just like "FOR GODS SAKE." and poofs back out again."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Like a Good Neighbor, State Farm is There!

                “Thank you for joining State Farm, Mr. Jones,” came a smile and the clacking noise on the keyboard. “We’ll just need your phone number to complete this. You’ll receive one of our agents and you’ll only need to call him if you have any car troubles.”

                Alfred nodded, spilling his phone number. Because of his brother’s endless nagging he’d finally gotten car insurance. Mattie claimed he drove like a maniac—which was completely dumb! He was a safe driver! Alfred puffed out his cheek, remembering the moment.

                “Alright, you’re all set! Thank you for joining us, and we insure you’ll be safe on the roads. Have a nice evening.”

                Alfred grinned back, pushing the memory behind him. He turned around again.

                “You never told me the number to call my agent,” he raised a brow, approaching the desk again.

                The woman laughed.

                Alfred looked back weirdly, laughing back weakly.

                “You’re so funny. Goodbye now!”

                “Um… Bye..?” Alfred turned around again and slowly started walking out.

                Well that was weird… Maybe they emailed it to him? Alfred shrugged and the door opened automatically as he approached it. Their jingle kept playing and playing and playing and _playing_. It was getting so annoying, and Alfred was glad to be leaving the place. It wasn’t like he’d need to call his agent.

                He got in his car, starting the ignition and pulling out of the parking lot with the jingle playing in the back of his head. He hummed softly, cursing that he had it stuck in his head now. And who knew when it was going to go away?

~~*~~

                “Yes, Mattie, I got the car insurance,” Alfred rolled his eyes, shifting the phone on his shoulder.

                _“Thank you. I can rest easy now. I can’t tell you how many times you ran a red light when I go with you to the movies!”_

                “That was once!”

_“Twice.”_

                “Shut up. Now thanks to you have that stupid jingle stuck in my head! Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there!” he sang into the phone mockingly.

                There was a flash.

                “Yes?”

                Alfred’s eyes widened and he fell backwards. There was a new man in his house?! He dropped the phone, despite Matthew’s voice calling _“Alfred? Hello?”_

                “Holy shit! Who are you?!” he stood, running to another room.

                The new man sighed. “They said this would happen on the first call,” he said to himself, following him.

                Alfred had ran to the kitchen, picking up a pan and holding it like a weapon. “Who are you?! How’d you get in my house?! Are you a rapist?!”

                The man stopped at the doorway, putting his hands up protectively, “Hey, calm down! You’re the one that called me!” he shouted back.

                “I didn’t call anyone but Mattie! Help! Rape! Rape!”

                “I’m not going to rape you! God!”

                Alfred swung the pan back and forth. “I will hit you!”

                “Calm down for Christ’s sake! I’m your State Farm agent, Arthur Kirkland! You just bloody called me!”

                Alfred put the pan down, tilting his head. “You’re my State Farm agent?”

                “Yes! Now put the bloody pan away! Did you think you could kill me with that thing?”

                “It worked on Tangled…” Alfred mumbled, putting the pan on the countertop.

                Arthur sighed, rubbing his temple. “Look. Call me when you get car troubles.”

                “I never called—“

                There was another flash and Arthur was gone.

                “…You in the first place…”

~~*~~

                “I swear it was the weirdest thing of my life,” Alfred said, putting some cereal in the shopping cart.

                “Alfred, that just isn’t possible,” Matthew argued. “You’re going crazy.”  
                “No, it happened! Really!”

                Matthew sighed, picking up some cookies to put in the cart. “All you have to say is the truth. Did you see a big bug and get scared? I won’t think you’re wimpy.”

                Alfred groaned. “It happened,” he pouted, crossing his arms. “There was a really hot British dude in my apartment, claiming to be my State Farm agent.”

                Matthew just continued pushing the cart down the aisle, shaking his head while Alfred babbled on. He knew Alfred hadn’t hooked up with anyone in a few years but to go as far as to imagine something like this was just plain weird. He decided just to let him be.

                “—And I don’t even know what I did to call him!” he heard Alfred say when he tuned back in.

                “I’m sure you’ll figure it out,” Matthew said half-heartedly and threw some bananas in the cart.

                “Yeah! I want to see him again! I have to figure it out!” Alfred grinned.

                And so it went like that the rest of the trip. Matthew helped put the groceries in Alfred’s car, waved and took a few bags to his own. Alfred pushed the cart back to the others and ran back to his car. How did he call Arthur last time? He just showed up. He drove home with nothing but the previous day on his mind.

~~*~~

                He hummed the jingle as he started putting the groceries away. He couldn’t think of what he did to call Arthur and it was really bugging him now. Frustrated, he left the rest of the groceries out and went to the bathroom. Maybe a shower would clear his mind.

                He trudged to the bathroom, setting the water to a warm temperature and stepped in. He sighed in content; at least he’d been right about the water clearing his mind. The only thing was that stupid jingle was still stuck in his head. He started humming it again. It was so irritating but so catchy…

                “Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there~” he sang softly, putting shampoo in his hair.

                There was a flash.

                “Ye—Oh bloody hell my eyes!” Arthur had appeared again.

                Alfred’s eyes jolted open and he grabbed the shower curtain. “Why the hell are you in my house again?!” he shouted. Sure he’d been wanting to see him again, but while he was _showering_?

                “You called me!” Arthur shouted, red-faced and with his hands over his face.

                “I don’t even have your number! What am I doing to call you?!” Alfred’s face was just as red.

                “Singing the jingle, you moron!”

                The water was quickly turned off and Alfred grabbed a towel. He still had soap in his hair but he hardly doubted that mattered right now.

                “As if I knew that. No one told me,” he grumbled under his breath and stepped out of the shower.

                Arthur finally peeked and was relieved seeing he was covered up. He glared at him, still blushing and following behind him.

                “It’s all over the advertisement, idiot,” he huffed, crossing his arms.

                “I didn’t know it actually worked though! Seriously, how does that work?”

                “It’s actually a complicated process. They recorded your voice and your phone number gave your location—Why does it even matter?” he broke off, glaring at him.

                Arthur stopped at the doorway of Alfred’s bedroom as Alfred went in to change. Alfred pulled on a shirt quickly and the rest of his clothes followed suit. He came back out quickly, happy to see Arthur hadn’t poofed away again.

                “Wanna go do something?” he grinned.

                Arthur blushed as he looked at him again and his eyes darted away. “Why?”

                “I like you!”

                _Just like that?_ Arthur thought to himself, shocked by the sudden confession. “I-I- don’t know! I’m only supposed to be helping you when your car breaks down!” he sputtered, stomping off towards the door.

                “Hey, you haven’t said no. Plus, you can’t be _that_ against it, you haven’t poofed away yet! Do you like me too? Huh? Do ya? Do ya? Do ya?”

                There was a flash.

                Alfred frowned, looking around the empty room. Maybe he went a little far with that one. Well, at least now he knew how to call him! And he still never said “no” to that date. He grabbed his jacket, running out the door and leaving the groceries still out on the counter to collect dust.

~~*~~

                “Two tickets?”

                “Yeah, I’m meeting someone in the lobby,” Alfred smiled and handed over the money.

                The man nodded, though still looked skeptical. He heard that line a million times, but he wouldn’t say anything. He just did his job. He handed over the tickets. “Enjoy the movie,” he said and turned to the next customer.

                “I will!” Alfred said unnecessarily and grinned wider, running to the lobby.

                The popcorn line actually wasn’t that long so he decided to get some popcorn beforehand, too. Despite how expensive it was. He wanted Arthur to have no reason to object. No one can turn down movie theater popcorn!

                Alfred popped a piece into his mouth and sang the jingle: “Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there!”

                There was a flash.

                “Yes? Oh god…” Arthur groaned and turned around.

                “You never said you wouldn’t come!” Alfred grabbed his hand. “Plus I already got tickets and popcorn. You _have_ to come.”

                Arthur was quiet for a moment. He certainly didn’t want to be there… Well… No he definitely didn’t. But still, it’d be mean to make him waste the money. He couldn’t be rude. That’s the only reason.  He turned back around, looking defeated.

“I’m going to regret this, aren’t I?” he asked quietly.

                “Awesome!” Alfred shouted and dragged him through to the theater.

                Arthur sat next to Alfred as the movie started to play, looking down. No one ever told him about this type of thing in the job description. They said that this was supposed to be a good way to insure that the customers are happy, but who ever told him he’d be called when the customer was showering? Or asked on dates and then forced to show up to one? He sighed, there wasn’t a way around this. Besides, Alfred didn’t seem _too_ bad.

                Alfred smiled, swaying happily, hardly watching the movie. He was just happy he got a date with Arthur. A lot of people would say not to do something like this since he barely knows him or whatever, but he really liked him. There was just something about him. Alfred’s eyes flashed over to Arthur and found Arthur was looking at him too.

                Arthur quickly looked away, and he was probably blushing. Who was this guy that could make him come undone in just a few days of knowing him?

                “Want some popcorn?” Alfred smiled, nudging his arm with the bag of popcorn.

                Arthur looked back, blinking and nodding slowly. “Thanks…” he mumbled, taking a small handful and nibbling on it. His eyes flashed back up to him and away to the movie screen again.

                “Would you slap me if I pretended to yawn and put my arm around you?” Alfred asked cheekily.

                Arthur blushed deeper. “W-What?! That’s so cheesy!”

                Alfred laughed. “Never said no~” he sang and put his arm around his shoulders. “But I won’t yawn. I’m not tired.”

                Arthur shrunk into his seat, ever too conscious of the arm over his shoulders. It was actually warm… And comforting… He blushed at the thought and shook his head. This was all just getting weird. He actually tried to concentrate on the movie.

                It was a chick flick.

                And his groan did not go unheard.

                Alfred leaned over, whispering, “What’s wrong?”

                Arthur glared back at him. “A chick flick? Really?”

                His heart fluttered at Alfred’s laughter. _What was that?_ “We’re an hour in. You just noticed that?”

                Arthur’s cheeks burned. He hadn’t. “Of course I did! I-It just now occurred to me… and I just… Wondered why you picked it.”

                “Something _else_ on your mind, Artie?”

                Arthur fell in love with Alfred’s voice itself.

                “N-No,” he lied.

                “You want me to kiss you?” he asked abruptly and leaned in.

                There was a flash.

~~*~~

                Alfred grumbled to himself as he got back into his car. That just wasn’t fair! Any other guy he would have been able to kiss, but thanks to Arthur’s “complicated process” he just poofed away. That’s just stupid, in Alfred’s opinion. But the problem was, he didn’t want to kiss any other guy. He wanted to kiss Arthur.

                Was he doing something wrong? Was something wrong with him? He didn’t understand why Arthur was being so weird about all this. Like, he never denied liking him or even liking the date, but he acts so flustered like he hates being there! Alfred puffed out his cheek, sulking. He had to do something to make Arthur like him more.

                Alfred pulled up to his house, getting out and trudging to his bed. Today was just annoying. He laid down in bed, still grumbling and cursing to himself and curled up under the blankets. He fell asleep with dark dreams—or were they nice ones? Taunting ones?

                Nonetheless, they were dreams. And I would bet any amount of money they were of Arthur.

~~*~~

                “For God’s sake will you call me _only_ when you have car troubles?!” Arthur shouted, red-faced.

                “Where’s the fun in that?”

                Alfred smiled up at him, sitting on a cliché plaid blanket with a picnic basket. This was nice right? It was already noon and it was so nice out. There were wild flowers growing around them and the sun was streaming through tree branches so beautifully. Alfred couldn’t find a better day for a picnic. He lifted a hand with a sandwich in it.

                “C’mon you know you want to~” he sang and used the sandwich as bait.

                _Flash_.

                “Hey! That was rude! Like a good neighbor State Farm is there! You’re not here!”

                _Flash_.

                “Now you are.”

                Arthur glared at him.

                “Please? I’m going to keep calling you until you do.”

                The birds around them whistled a tune, and other than that there was silence.  Arthur slowly sat down, looking defeated and a bit angry, though his cheeks were still tinted pink. Alfred saw this as victory, however, and grinned.

                “Awesome!” he said in a loud voice that made Arthur recoil. He put the basket between them, “Pick anything you want!”

                Alfred reminded Arthur of a puppy, and whether that was a good or a bad thing, he had yet to find out. He popped a grape in his mouth, crossing his legs and sighing. Why was he doing this again? He glanced at Alfred, relieved to slee he wasn’t looking his way. Alfred was actually… pretty cute…

                Arthur blushed looking away. Even in the sunlight he felt cold, and it wasn’t his body, more like inside his body if that made any sense.

                “So you’re like a real person?” Alfred knocked Arthur out of his thoughts.

                Arthur looked at him weirdly. “What? Of course I am!”

                “You sure you’re not like a fairy or something? How do you appear and disappear?”

                Arthur sighed. “We’ve been through this.”

                “So you have a family and everything then? Like you have a normal life?”

                Arthur didn’t know if he should be offended or not, so he just left it alone. “Yes. I have a life outside this job just as you do outside yours.”

                Alfred clicked his tongue in thought. “You have a girlfriend then?”

                Arthur’s cheeks turned red. “That’s personal!”

                Alfred shrugged. “You keep overlooking everything I do to get closer to you. I.D.K if it’s ‘cause you have a girlfriend or something.”

                Arthur groaned, “Is it _really_ that hard to say ‘I don’t know’? And no, I’m not in a relationship.”

                Alfred ignored his first comment, “Are you opposed to being in one, then?” he asked.

                “Not necessarily,” Arthur blushed, looking away. Where was this conversation going?

                “Opposed to being in one with me?”

                “W-What’s that supposed to mean?!” Arthur sputtered, blushing deeper.

                “I wanna date you! Want to be my boyfriend?”

                Arthur’s cheeks flushed even darker and he leaned away as Alfred leaned forward.

                “Don’t poof away this time,” Alfred said quietly.

                Arthur fell over so Alfred was over him and Arthur’s hair fanned out over the grass. His eyes were still wide as Alfred closed the distance between them.

                It wasn’t exactly a cinematic kiss. He couldn’t say he melted or that Alfred was the best kisser he’d ever had, or that his lips were soft and tasted like honey. Honestly, his breath smelled absolutely horrid. It was really sloppy, and yet Arthur couldn’t say he hated it. His chin lifted as he kissed back, and it was obvious Alfred wasn’t expecting him to do something back.

                Though it really was a beautiful day. He felt Alfred’s hands in his hair and he felt compelled to do the same.

                He did.

~~*~~

_Epilogue_

                “Bloody hell, I agreed to be your boyfriend already, isn’t that enough?”

                “Artieeee C’mooooon!”

                “No!”

                _Flash._

~~*~~

                “How ‘bout today?”  
                “For the love of God I will not sleep with you! I only agreed to be your boyfriend a week ago!”

                “So?”

                “So, it’s too soon!”

                “Nuh-uh!”

                “Get out of the bubble bath, Alfred. I’m not getting in.”

                “Well alright.”

                “NOT WHILE I’M STILL HERE!”

                _Flash._

~~*~~

                Almost done setting up the final bait, Alfred giggled to himself as he scattered rose pedals all over the room and on the bed. He’d already set music to play, and he knew Arthur loved this band, so it’d _definitely_ work. Right? Alfred was never one to give up easily.

                He laughed to himself, hopping on the bed, already stripped naked.

                “Like a good nation, State Farm is there~!”

                _Flash._

                “FOR FUCKS SAKE.”

                _Flash_.

**Author's Note:**

> So this was written off a tumblr post (I saw it reblogged off of Orangeplum but the original poster was Seecarrun I think, something spelled that. So sorry if it's wrong, leave a comment or something and I'll change it.   
> Anyways, my fingers just go off typing on their own, and that last typo at the end "like a good nation" was a typo... SEE MY TYPOS ARE WRONG WORDS SPELLED CORRECTLY WEIRD RIGHT? Anyways, it thought it was kinda funny and fitting so I kept it in.


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